Sugar Glass, Heaven, and Highway Insanity

Jessica asked if she could make dinner. Heck yes! She scrounged around, found some odds and ends, and before I knew it she had a meal ready. She threw some chicken on the grill, made mashed potatoes, and then - get ready for this - said, "Can I use a zucchini?" It was a proud moment for me. This is a girl who swears she hates zucchini and will never even try it. Dinner was really good, but it doesn't stop there. She even cleaned up a good portion of it!










As Jess made dinner, Ethan came outside with a tomato in his hand and said, "Mom, can I have this?" I got SO EXCITED because he doesn't even like tomatoes. First a kid wanting a zucchini, now a kid wanting a tomato? This was too good to be true! I felt like I was on candid camera. Too bad he burst my bubble and said he only wanted to shoot it with his airsoft gun so he could make a youtube video. Baxter HATES guns, as you can see in the photo. 

After dinner I went out and discovered my chickens roosting on the bean pole thingamajig (yeah I don't know what you call it. I call it the bean pyramid.) It took them over a month to realize their coop was just a few feet from a plethora of pole beans and lettuce. One morning I opened up the coop and they all immediately made a mad dash over to it. They had it destroyed in under an hour. It was like they had plotted it overnight. I wonder what else they plot as they wait on me to open their door.

This is Roxie. Or maybe Muchacha. How the heck do you tell the difference between 3 Rhode Island Reds that look alike?

My ducks and chickens have become quite adventurous lately. They've become brave enough to wander into the front yard in search of bugs, thus giving my neighbors and highway travelers a nice, full view of our circus. I attempted to chase them up front to the koi fish pond so they could swim (the ducks, not the chickens).

It's not everyday you drive down the highway and see a crazy lady running around with table scraps attempting to corral ducks in her front yard. Let's just say "The Duck Herder" shouldn't be my nickname. Ducks are about as smart as the wood chips they lay in, therefore they never did catch on and follow me.

I'm a bad rabbit owner. My rabbit parenting privileges should be revoked. Don't tell anyone, but today when I opened the door to the rabbit hutch, my cute little black bunny kind of spilled out onto the concrete. I didn't realize he was right there.


I feel like THAT mom - you know, the one who lets her baby fall off the bed and hit its soft spot. I mean, I never did that to my kids or anything, it's just sort of a figure of speech. It's ok though, the rabbit is fine. Luckily he's quite the acrobat and landed on his feet. Apparently they're like cats in that regard.

WARNING: The following picture may be considered graphic. Viewer discretion is advised.

Don't judge, ok? This is our duck "pond". It was just cleaned out yesterday, I swear. The ducks are little feathered pigs. They love the muck. The dirtier the better - that's their motto.

Our animals are pretty spoiled around here (that is, when I'm not dropping them onto concrete). The ducks get ice cubes in their "pond" when the temp is 98 outside. The rabbits get frozen water bottles to lay on. I tried to feed ice cubes to everyone, but no one really seemed interested except Webster.

Today I made what I like to call Heaven. You take 3/4 c. of heaven (aka this stuff - my new best friend. We met in the peanut butter aisle at Walmart and it was love at first sight.)

and you mix it with homemade whipped cream that you make with the new electric mixer your husband just got you. Thanks Frank! You put that into a homemade graham cracker crust, then you attempt to fancifully pipe some heaven onto the top. I failed miserably, but in my defense I didn't have any leftover heaven so I had to scrape the jar clean. If you could eat heaven, it would taste just like this. Only maybe with a Heath bar crumbled on top - whoa, that is a good idea. Ethan tasted it and said, "Eewww, why would you make COFFEE pie??"

Jess and I took all 3 dogs to the vet for rabies shots today. They normally get scared and poop EVERYWHERE, which is pretty mortifying. The good news is there was no nervous pooping today. Ginger still managed to embarrass and scare me to death, though. Her collar was too big and she got scared when we got out of the truck. She jerked out of her collar and ran into the middle of the highway where she froze. Who goes to a busy highway to feel safe, anyway?? I panicked. I screamed at her. I begged her. I threatened her. I bribed her. She wasn't budging.

People were driving by shaking their heads at the crazy lady chasing her dog down the middle of the highway. Why does it seem I'm always causing a scene on a highway? I was standing in the middle of the road thinking, "Someone's gonna call doggie DCFS and I'll have my dogs taken away for bad parenting. Frank's gonna kill me. Wait, IS there a doggie DCFS? Or would it be DDFS - department of dogs and family services?" 

We both managed to get out alive and I ended up carrying her like an infant. You know your dogs are spoiled when everyone else's dogs are standing on the floor and yours hop up into the chairs and make themselves at home.

I apologize in advance for the next group of photos. My son allowed me to take pictures of him. This never happens. He normally waves his hand quickly in front of the camera or shakes his head vigorously back and forth to blur the photo. Therefore, I set the camera on - gasp - automatic. I know, it's every photographer's nightmare. But sometimes you just gotta sacrifice.

Yesterday Ethan asked me, "Mom, can I make sugar glass?" Like me, you are probably wondering what on earth is sugar glass? Out of sheer boredom, he was looking through a kids science experiment book and came across the idea. You simply melt sugar in a pan, lay it out to cool, and it looks like glass. In Ethan's mind, somehow it'd be clear and he could make it into drinking glasses. He could then take these fake glasses to Walmart and make a youtube video. He would replace a real glass on the shelf with his fake, edible one. As unsuspecting shoppers happened by, he could pick up the fake one and eat it. Too bad cooled, melted sugar is BROWN not clear.

Random memorable quotes:

 "What's a baking sheet? Is it this?" and pulls out a casserole dish.

"Eewww....this sugar STINKS! What, is it old or something?"

"Is butter the same thing as cooking spray?"

"It says do it on low heat but I'm putting it on high because this is annoying. I'm getting impatient."

"Why are you taking pictures of me? It's not like I'm a famous person or something."

"Eeewww, now this sugar REALLY stinks! What the heck??"

"FINALLY, it's starting to melt! Mom, come look at it!" I, of course, grab my camera and head over. He says, "NO, I said LOOK at it, not take PICTURES of it!"

He starts laughing hysterically and says, "Hey mom! I bet if I record myself eating it and put it on youtube people will think I'm really eating glass!"

And the grand finale of quotes - "This looks like POOP! When Kaylee gets home I'm gonna tell her I froze my poop and ate it!"

When asked what possessed him to want to try this experiment he replied, "I was bored so I looked in the science experiment book for something to eat. This was the only thing in there you can eat, so I made it." Leave it to my son to search for snack recipes in a science book.

Too bad he didn't even like it. He took one taste and said, "Ewww, this tastes like coffee! What the heck?"

Ethan wanted one of Jessica's energy drinks. I don't purchase them because I believe they're horrible for you, but Jess had money of her own. She bought them for $1 each and offered to take Ethan to buy one. He didn't want to go so he agreed to pay double for one. He drank it rather quickly, then ran around screaming, "My legs feel so weird! They're tingling!!" and acting like a nut. After awhile he said, "I don't feel so good. I feel SO WEIRD." I wondered if I'd have to take him to the ER. He came down from that high fast and hard and said, "I'm never drinking again!" I know, I sound like a bad parent. Don't judge. I pick my battles.

Later that night I asked him if I could post his photo on my blog. He said yes, but only if I would get him an energy drink. Some people never learn a lesson! I said, "Didn't you just come down off a high and almost have a heart attack from one?" He said, "Yes but they're so good!" Geez. So Ethan, I'm sure you'll never ever read this blog. But if you do I owe you a stupid energy drink.


Things I learned the last few days:

When bribed with an energy drink, my son is willing to do just about anything.


My son is willing and eager to be taken advantage of.


I'm not sure my kids are ever going to outgrow poop jokes.

Never take a dog to the vet on a highway with a too big collar.

My youngest thinks anything less than a dollar bill is "pointless". She thought she'd lost some quarters and said, "Oh well, I still have my dollars so I don't care." I gave her a look and she said, "What? It's just change. It doesn't matter. I don't like change."

All 3 of these kids have so much to learn.

Some people just cannot be trusted and will continue doing the same dumb things over and over and over, no matter how many times it gets them into trouble. If you are one of those people, watch out for karma.

I still cannot stand people who lie, are fake, or steal...or even worse, all of the above. Again, watch out for karma. If you make a mistake once, it's a mistake and you learn a life lesson to better yourself in the future. If you continue repeatedly making that same mistake again and again, it is no longer a mistake. It's STUPIDITY. There is no excuse. And if you want to be trusted and respected you have to EARN it by being a good person - even when no one is looking. "Integrity is who you are in the dark."