Another Weird Gadget and a Birthday Diva

I've been busy this week, primarily with my 11 year old's birthday party. Most kids have a birth-DAY. The kids in this house practically end up with a birth-WEEK. They're just a tiny bit spoiled.

Kaylee decided she wanted a zebra print themed party, which meant dropping a ton of money at Party City to make it happen. And then it almost didn't happen. She invited 6 girls for a sleepover. One came early and they waited...and waited...and waited for other guests to arrive. 30 minutes later I was just about ready to go kick some little girls' butts when another one arrived. The third kid was an hour late and the fourth one was about 3 hours late. Maybe she thought it was McDonald's, where you just drive through, get some cake and leave. Or maybe her parents don't own any clocks and she needs one for her birthday. Regardless, Kaylee ended up having a great time so that's what matters.

I made the mistake of putting five 11 year old girls in charge of making pizza dough. They thought it was rocket science. Seriously, people. All you have to do is open a packet, pour it in the bowl, add water, and stir. One kid ended up with over half of it stuck on her hands and up her arms and wanted to know, "How do I get it off?". How the heck that happened is beyond me. My obsessive compulsiveness got the best of me and I ended up kicking them out of the kitchen just seconds before having an anxiety attack.

Kaylee opened presents before the cupcakes were even baked. She just couldn't wait!

Even at this age, the bags and packages are more entertaining than the contents!

Next was cupcake decorating. After the whole pizza dough incident, I wasn't even about to let them mix the batter or pour it into the pans. I baked them (the cupcakes, not the children) and let them cool so they could frost and decorate them with fondant. That brings me to a side story.

 I allowed Kaylee to help make the fondant. When I make fondant it turns out kind of like playdough and is easy to work with. When Kaylee makes it, it turns out like this. So the girls ended up looking like they were trying out for a part in the Smurfs sequel. (Please tell me there isn't really a Smurfs sequel. The first one looked to be torture enough.)

If you look closely, you'll notice a teenage girl lurking in the background making rabid squirrel faces. That's her thing. She sees someone taking a photo and she lurks in the background. She's a freak.

As they decorated, Jessica kindly decided to get them started with singing a round of Baby Shark (which she actually did incorrectly. It's Baby FISH, not shark. Just ask any preschooler. But I digress.) and Peel the Banana (don't ask. I don't even know). Free entertainment - you get what you pay for! I give her credit though. At 16 years old, she has more patience with these girls than I do! Some of Kaylee's friends are great. A couple of them make you want to...well...never mind that.

She looks a bit scared doesn't she? Even she knows you should never let children play with matches.

The best quote of the night occurred as the girls were putting on facial masks. The conversation went something like this: Kaylee, "Mom, we wanna do facials. Do we have any cucumbers?" Me: "Are you serious?? WE HAVE A GIANT GARDEN IN THE YARD!"

Kaylee: "Oooh yeah, I forgot!" The girls sliced up garden cucumbers to put on their eyes. By that time Jessica and I were both ready to scream. Jessica, in a moment of pure brilliance, told them, "Did you know it works better if you lay out in the sun with the cucumbers? Go try it!" As the girls ran out the door she said, "Suckers!" then turned to me and said, "About 20 minutes of silence. You're welcome." BRILLIANT.

No party is complete without a glow in the dark sword fight. I warned them to watch out for chicken/duck/dog poop. Did they listen? NO, of course not. They ran around barefoot and 1 of them actually laid down and ROLLED AROUND. Well ok, so maybe I'm not one to talk. I suppose I did clean the chicken coop in flip flops the other day.

All in all, it was a success. Kaylee learned who she can and can't count on. She also learned, or rather got reminded, that we grow cucumbers right here in our very own yard.

In other news, we have a crapload and a half of green beans going bad in the garden. Yes, crapload is an official garden measurement. It's a good thing my wonderful parents got Frank a FoodSaver for his birthday.

 Have you ever seen people excited to vacuum food? Yep, that's us. We played with that thing all afternoon and now we have a freezer full of green beans. It's useless if the end of the world comes, but for now it's pretty awesome. The machine itself gets a 3 stars out of 5 because it is poorly designed. You have to blanch the green beans before sealing them, therefore they're wet. Obvious, right? But the FoodSaver requires food to be almost dry. It's definitely not a perfect gadget.

Ok, things I learned this week:

1. You shouldn't fill a steamer pot all the way full with water and then attempt to put a big load of green beans in.

2. After you've flooded the burner due to filling a steamer pot too full, you should NEVER EVER pick it up with your bare hand to mop up the water. I hear that'll burn your fingers.

3.WARNING: If you are my mother DO NOT read this next part. My husband is a bit creeped out by the fact that I don't toss the green beans that have spots. "What if there is a bug living inside it?" he asked. The green beans are going to get cooked. It's not like I'd serve him live bugs. Geez. Waste not, want not. He said, "Well whatever you've been doing is working. Just don't tell me about your methods." Sorry mom. I warned you not to read it. I know how squeamish you are.

4. My husband is a sissy when it comes to eating spotted green beans.

5. There are very few people you can count on in this world. Most of them are what I call "fair weather friend" types.