A Famous Birthday Girl and the Beginnings of Stress

Although we had already celebrated Jess's birthday, the day of her actual birthday I had Mackies Pizza put her name on the billboard so she could feel "famous". I didn't say anything to her about it. She drove by it on her way to the library and I'm pretty sure it made her day.

I'm in the midst of my first anxiety attack in months. I'm already suffering from back to school/back to work stress and it hasn't even actually started yet. I just finished having my first meltdown in the shower.

What is it about the shower that brings out tears?

 I go back to work in 2 days. I'm literally sick to my stomach over it. I HATE HATE HATE HATE my job. I've been there 9 years and I've hated every second. Don't get me wrong, I love the preschoolers. I just hate the policies, hoops, and backstabbing I have to jump through in order to work there. It puts my stomach in knots thinking about it. But I'm kind of stuck because there aren't many career options out there for an old lady who only has an Associate because she got too busy creating a family. Finishing school isn't an option, either. I have 3 children to put through college, one of which will be graduating high school this year. (Why am I so OLD??) So this job beats flipping burgers at McDonalds (I think).

I got the kids' school registration packets (Ethan hates the word packet. Isn't that strange? I don't have room to talk though. I hate the words "panties" and "smorgasbord". Weird.) in the mail. It's going to cost me $300 to get the kids ready for school, plus school supplies, back to school clothes, and whatever extra fees Jess will have at the high school. I'm needing to take out a loan just to get them in school!

Frank works almost every day in August so all the burden and stress falls on my shoulders. There is one week he works EIGHT days in a ROW..voluntarily. I'll barely even cross paths with him in August because he comes to bed as I get up for the day and he's gone when I get home, and he'll be working on my days off. Ironically, his overtime doesn't help me because we don't share finances. We have separate checking accounts. He pays his part of the bills and pays for his gas. I pay my bills and gas, school fees, property taxes, dog, chicken and rabbit food, and buy groceries, cleaning supplies, toiletries, etc. But don't get me wrong. I'm glad he's not a deadbeat who refuses to work!

 Meanwhile, I have to start back to working 10 1/2 hrs a day (yes, HAVE to. As in, I have no choice in the matter), along with somehow managing to get the kids registered and ready for school and back into a routine, along with keeping up the housework, laundry, homework, taking care of the animals, dinner prep, grocery shopping, etc. It's like I'm a single mom again only this time with an extra kid and a roommate who I never see but have to pick up after. Originally I said I don't want to acknowledge my birthday but I've changed my mind. I'd like someone to hire a "me clone" for my birthday- someone to play the role of mom after school until I get home. That would take a huge weight off my shoulders. If someone was here for the kids after school each day, I could actually focus on work while I was at work. I wouldn't have to worry about the kids getting hurt, burning down the house, making messes, fighting, not doing their homework, not doing their chores, and I wouldn't have to worry about trying to get kids to and from practices/school events while working simultaneously. It's difficult to get work done when I'm too busy worrying about my children and calling them every 5 minutes to make sure everything is ok/remind them to get things done. Have I mentioned my 2 of my kids are very active in extra curriculars? They have soccer, volleyball, student council, band, choir, 4H, FBLA, one of them plans to try out for basketball and one for school plays. Can you see why I need a clone? Thank goodness the oldest can drive herself where she needs to be! Oh, but who am I kidding. I could never let some strange woman play the role of mom to my children. I'd go insanely jealous and end up stabbing her. Maybe someone can hire ME to be here and play the mom role. Anyone want to donate money to a good cause??

Why is it that when I'm at work I'm still a mom and I still worry, but when Frank is at work he only has to worry about work?

Honestly, I'd much rather be home for the kids than go to work, but my bills won't pay themselves. I truly believe children should have one reliable parent they can always count on to be there for them. I envy women (or men) who are able to do this. Kids who have that are extremely lucky. Anyone have a big wad of money they'd like to donate to a good cause?

No worries. I'll adjust and make it work. I always do. I just wanted to complain for a minute. I may suck at most things, but I have mad skills when it comes to juggling a billion things at once. And I doubt the kids care one way or the other as to whether I'm home or at work. No wonder my hair is constantly falling out.

So how exactly do I juggle everything and keep my sanity? I don't. I'm certifiably insane. But I do have this to help me: a "family binder". It may not be pretty, but it is functional and helps me keep my head. I have it divided into sections: to do list, calendar, meal planning, important dates, and a section for each child for school stuff - schedules, calendars, teacher info etc. This thing is my brain during the school year. A lot of it came from organizedhome.com but if you recognize something as yours, please let me know and I'll credit it.

The front of the binder has a pouch containing sticky notes and a pencil. I use the sticky notes on my daily to do list...

I've written a morning and evening daily list in pencil - laundry, sweeping, things I'll do daily. At the bottom, I put a sticky note of to do's specific to the day, which can easily be removed as I accomplish the tasks.

 Once a week I sit down with it and plug in Frank's work schedule and the kids' after school schedules so I can determine when/if I need time off work to taxi them. (That's just about the only good thing about my job - I have plenty of vacation time).Then I meal plan. I make a week's worth of meals, making sure the weeknights are easy (no more homemade noodles for this family, at least not until summer break). I write the meals on the calendar, taking note of the days I need to do food prep the night before. I use that list to make a grocery list of everything needed. I take that list to the pantry and do an inventory, marking off what we already have. Then I revise it, putting the items in order according to the aisles at the store. I know it sounds anal, but it saves a lot of time at the store and cuts down on impulse purchases. I only go to the store once/week during the school year. I don't go so far as to do the couponing because I simply don't have the time.

The binder also has an "important dates" section where I've documented birthdays, anniversaries, etc. and I have a zipper pouch filled with greeting cards, just in case I don't have time to get to the store for one.

So there you have it. Now wish me luck on the start of a crazy school year!

Birthday Celebration, Day 2

A trip to St. Claire Square was on the agenda today. Jess and Kaylee both had money to blow. Frank decided to go with us at the last minute. He takes longer than a woman to get ready, so we waited...and waited. Jess finally went to get him and found him screwing around with the chickens. What the heck?

We finally got on the road. Frank slept in the backseat, leaving me to maneuver through construction traffic. I suck at driving 5 mph! After like a half hour of driving 5 to 10 mph, I was just about ready to rear end people to get them out of my way so I could drive faster!

I took a scenic "longcut", meaning I turned off an exit too soon and had no clue how to get from point A to point B. Frank decided to navigate from the backseat because, as we women know, men think they always know best. He was talking like a drunk due to not yet having his caffeine fix. "Turn right at the stop light, it'll take us right where we need to be" he says (or more accurately, slurs) from the backseat. "Have you been here before?" No, he says. He just knows we should turn. I really felt that continuing straight would get us there but he insisted. Ten minutes later I turn left and find our destination - which we would've already found had I continued going straight.

He points to the mall and says, "See that spaceship? As a kid, I always wanted to figure out how to get in it. You guys go do your shopping stuff and I'm gonna get coffee and figure out how to get in it." then laughs hysterically. The man isn't right in the head without caffeine.

Jess headed to her favorite store in the whole world - Forever 21. I was curious to see what all the hype was about so I went in and browsed. It was like a giant yard sale only with new clothing instead of used. Most of it looked like something a grandmother would wear. I commented on it and she said, "Uh, well they've changed a lot since I was here." Hmm.

I left her there and took Kaylee to Claires. This crazy child had got on their website and made a giant list of things she wanted to look for. After 15 minutes Frank and I got tired of standing around so we left her and headed to the food court. I know, I know. I left her in the mall by herself. Bad parenting. Kidnappers would end up not being able to locate her "off" switch and returning her anyway. (She never stops speaking. Never!) By this time it's like 2:30 and I haven't eaten yet. As we debate dinner plans, Kaylee comes back with a bag full of junk. She dropped 40 bucks on a notebook, a bracelet, a ring, and a necklace. It was her birthday money to spend as she pleased, but still yet, I nearly fainted. She ended up having buyer's remorse and decided to take a few things back.

She comes back a few minutes later shaking her head. She said they gave her a gift card rather than cash. We kept offering to take her back down there and get her cash but she said no. Frank finally made her go with him. Turns out she could have gotten cash back if she'd came and got us so we could show a drivers license. We never did figure out why she was dishonest with us. She came close to tears but I reminded her that if she ruined Jess's birthday trip, Jess would be allowed to choose the punishment. The tears dried instantly. It was a miracle!

Frank's work called my phone and I panicked, thinking I wrote his schedule on the calendar wrong and that he missed work. He called them back and ended up agreeing to go into work on his day off. Helloooo?? We are 2 1/2 hrs away from home???? We had to cut the day short, but made 1 more stop to drive go karts.

See the look on her face? She clearly knows about Frank's driving!

If you'll look closely, you'll note that JESS is in the lead, not that Frank would admit it.

I'm not really sure what a parrot has to do with go karts but they had one there. Even though it didn't talk, the girls thought it was hilarious.

A trip to St. Louis wouldn't be complete without White Castle so we went through the drive thru and got a
big sack of them on the way home. It's good we don't have one around here, otherwise I'd have serious weight, cholesterol, and wallet issues. Well, I'm already working on all of those problems but White Castle would make it worse!

Birthday Celebration and Money Origami

I LOVE my family. Ethan. Jessica. Kaylee. Frank. I am blissfully happy with all of them. They are mine - flaws and all. They are who they are, and together, we are who we are. We wouldn't be "us" if it weren't for the five of us. Jess and Kaylee are super outgoing, optimistic, and happy people. No matter what happens, they are my daughters and they rock. Ethan is a serious, realistic boy and sometimes, well rarely, goofy when he's in a good mood...which is VERY rare. No matter what, he is my son and he rocks.I know all of these kids better than anyone on this universe! I have RAISED them, and been with them through good and bad.  My husband is an amazing guy and I love him. We're extremely lucky to have each other. All of these people are by my side no matter what. They are my family through thick and thin and I LOVE ALL OF THEM. We are family, through good times and bad.

In other news, Jessica's birthday celebration began today. She had no clue what she wanted for her birthday. If she doesn't know, how is anyone else supposed to know? I racked my brain for weeks trying to come up with an idea. Her dad was of no help either. Then it hit me. Why not give her cash and take her shopping in St. Louis? But I didn't want to just stick some money in a card. That would be lame. How about a singing telegram to deliver it? Too awkward. Have Ethan jump out of a giant birthday cake and give it to her? Too weird. Stick it in the dog's collar?  The dog would eat it. Hide it in her cereal? She might choke. Hide it in her room? No wait, then it'd never be found. What about folding it into a bouquet of paper roses? After researching that idea I realized it'd take too many bills for a bouquet. Then I stumbled upon a dollar bill shirt. The rusty wheels of my brain began turning, smoke rolled out of my head, and a couple hours later I had created this:

Photoshop doesn't want me to edit this photo because it "doesn't support the editing or copying of banknotes. Seriously? Like I'm dumb enough to try and print money in the shape of clothing and use it?

I'm not sure if she was excited...

or disappointed.


I thought I was being clever. I put the card in an envelope and wrapped it, then put that in a box and wrapped it, then put that in a bigger box and wrapped, then in an even bigger box, and finally in a gift bag. My quest for cleverness may have been too misleading and caused that look of disappointment on her face. Those who don't know her very well would see this photo and say, "But she's smiling. She's not disappointed." She's good at camouflaging it, but if you really take a close look you can see a hint of the look she gets when she's disappointed. Her smile says one thing, but the look in her eyes speaks the true story. I'm not sure she's even aware of it, but she has a certain look when she's disappointed. Sorry Jess!

 My parents got her hair some extensions - to which Ethan said, "What is that, a wig or something? What the heck is the POINT?" (This is one area he and I agree on.) She also got some kind of hair curler thing - not sure because she never did show it to me. My parents took us to eat at Chili's. I'd never ate there before. It was GOOD. Ethan kept us entertained with detailed tales of how the "Joker" should be tortured. I bribed Ethan with 50 cents for the candy machine if he would go to the mall without complaint. He actually agreed! 


Before my parents got here we got a pretty big storm. It was strange to see the wet stuff falling from the sky. The ducks, of course, were in heaven - splashing through the mud and muck and making pigs of themselves. 

On the way to Chili's we saw some crazy end-of-the-world-apocalypse type clouds, which Ethan insisted was a huge tornado "cell". Of course, I didn't have my camera with me. Cool stuff only happens when I forget to bring it along.

Tomorrow = day 2 of Jess's birthday celebration...a shopping trip to spend that cash! I'm gonna try to take her to eat someplace that will sing for her birthday. I'm gonna make sure to bring the camera, that way nothing cool will happen on our trip.

Watered Down Fancy Night and Professional Portrait Photographer

I had a strange experience at the library today. Kaylee and I ran in to grab a couple of books. We took them to the desk to check out and the librarian guy just stood there staring at this one:

He turned it over and over in his hands and kept muttering, "Wow!" He asked where I found it. I said, "On the bookshelf with the other books?" to which he replied, "Really? Wow." Now call me crazy, but I'm pretty sure librarians see books on a regular basis. He acted like he'd never seen one in his life. Was it because it's such an old book? Do people not normally check out books dated 1971?

Next stop was Walmart. I sent a batch of pictures to to their 1 hour lab in an effort to find the "perfect" 1 hour photo prints. Walgreens are always too green. CVS's are always too dark. I went in to pick them up and the guy asked me for the copyright release. I gave him a puzzled look and asked what he meant. He said I have to prove I have the rights to the photos. I told him I'm the one who took them and he made me sign a copyright release to keep on file. I guess I did something right! This is the picture in question:

As I was checking out, the check out chick dropped my bottle of wine and it nearly landed on my foot. Rather than apologizing or going to get me a replacement, she said, "Do you want to go get another one?" Um no? I'm not the one who dropped it? I told her forget it. I was embarrassed enough as it was. We had to roll through the spill to get out and ended up leaving a wine trail all the way to the door. Why was I buying wine? Because this morning Kaylee decided she wanted to have Fancy Night. It's been over a year since the last one. I was hot and sweaty and not feeling very fancy but I ran the idea by Frank. His response was, "If you'd asked me if I want to have fancy night I would have said no. But Kaylee is asking. Look at it this way. I'll have to shower." Ok, fair enough! And he's right. It won't be long at all before the kids are grown and there is no one asking for fancy night. So we sucked it up and did it. Jess was a trooper. She had somewhere else she wanted to be but her dad told her she could only go if she got dressed up and ate with us first. She slipped this ugly thing over her shorts and t-shirt. Although not dressed up, at least she came to the table and ate pleasantly even though it was the last thing she wanted to do. 

Ethan, on the other hand, made his misery well known. "Why do we have to do this? What's the point? Why can't we just EAT? None of my dress clothes fit me anymore. This is so STUPID!" were a few of his complaints. I finally gave up the fight when he came out in a wrinkled polo shirt and plaid shorts. It wasn't gym shorts, so to him it was dressy. Of course, he wouldn't allow a photo to be taken.

This was the lamest fancy night in the history of all fancy nights. Frank wanted to be outside working on the Jeep. Ethan wanted to be anywhere but here. Jess wanted to be at the soccer field. I wanted to be out of my too tight pants that no longer button because they must have shrunk. Kaylee was so disappointed that we didn't drink too much wine and engage in loud singing and poor dancing. Sorry Kaylee, but our days of too much wine and being obnoxious are over now that Frank is on a weird work schedule.

Kaylee sure does clean up! She looks great without her crooked ponytail she wears on a daily basis.

"Mom, can I make Koolaid and drink it with a wine glass?"

 GEEZ, why do I look so OLD???????? When did this happen? Gross. THIS is why I HATE letting people take my picture. This is not at all what I see when I look in the mirror! Stupid camera must be broke.

Frank and I don't go together. You know how you can look at some couples and think, "Wow, they look like they belong together"? We don't. He is way handsomer than me. Poor guy got the raw end of the deal in this relationship.

Tonight's menu: Olive Garden Baked Ziti.

The highlight of the day: Frank couldn't find his belt. The man has lost a ton of weight since being on night shift and not getting to eat regular meals like a normal person. His pants wouldn't stay up so he grabbed MY belt. I think we have the same size of waist. That makes me feel so...weird. Isn't his waist supposed to be bigger than mine???

After dinner Ethan asked me, "Mom, do you think you could go buy me some wires and I could try and fix the computer monitor?" I said, "HECK YES!" He asked what he gets if he fixes it. I looked at him questioningly and he said, "If I fix it can I have a computer in my room?" Knowing he'd never get it working, I agreed but told him he couldn't use the internet for help. After about 3 minutes of grunting and plugging/unplugging, he gave up.

Road Trip, Zombie Deer, and Empty Graves

We packed up sandwiches and the kids and headed out in the Jeep. Sometimes it's fun to just see where the road takes you and have no destination in mind. We were actually trying to see if we could drive to the top of Stone Face but ended up getting lost and just cruising around.

Our first stop was Glen O Jones lake so my starving husband could eat. Kaylee cried because she got some  bees in her sandwich and Frank told her he'd eat it anyway, it might make it taste like honey. She can't take a joke these days (although I think he probably really would've eaten it.)

I actually handed the camera over and had someone else take photos. Well, more like Frank MADE me hand the camera over to Jess so we could get a picture together. We have no pictures together because it's hard to be behind and in front of the camera at the same time.

This is Kaylee after her sandwich got invaded by bees. Ethan saw it as a perfect opportunity to further torture her. Apparently he hasn't fully outgrown the whole bunny ears thing. He must think this is the perfect way to bug his sister because he does it all the time.

 As we drove on, we came across this - what the kids referred to as a rabid zombie deer. The crazy thing just stood there, a mere few feet from the Jeep, staring at us. Ethan pointed out his "scars", which further enforced his zombie theory.

Next, we drove down a tiny road called "Jones Cemetery Road". Ethan got excited when he saw this sign:

Nearby was a house that, if we believed in ghosts, we all would've thought was haunted. Unsure whether it was abandoned or not, we opted to drive on. Jess really wanted to go in!

We ended the evening by stopping at the Hungarian Cemetery to show Ethan some sunken graves. Kaylee freaked out, clung to my hand, and tried not to cry. Ethan wanted to know where the coffins were and how the dead bodies got out of the graves. He'd like to go back in the daytime so he can see better, and is thinking it'd be the perfect setting for the beginning of a zombie movie.

It was a great evening. The whole family crammed into the Jeep, wind whipping (and tangling) through our hair, the kids laughing and having fun (mostly), and NO ELECTRONICS. Our cellphones were almost dead (we don't have internet on them either. Shocking, I know.), no one brought Ipods (because I took them all away. But still.), and the only electronic item we used was Frank's Ipod so we could listen to music. The kids sang loudly and poorly to the music. We left the demands, stresses, and distractions of the real world behind. Everyone was (mostly) happy. I had an epiphany as we headed toward home. The kids were in the back singing along to Let it Be, and I realized everything is always ok for us in the end. Bad stuff happens...sometimes minor, sometimes life altering. We've been through a few truly terrible times. There have been hard feelings among us at times. Sometimes we even think we hate each other. There were times I wasn't sure we'd bounce back. But I truly think it's always gonna be ok as long as we have each other. Somehow we always seem to figure out how to get through the hard times. Ethan, if you ever read this, that is why I force you to hang out with us. You're a teenager. You  may hate it, but at this age you NEED it. We all need it.

Senior Picture Practice and Frisbee Golf

Jess says to me the other day, "Are we gonna pay $200 for senior pictures or are you gonna take them?" What the heck is the POINT of senior pictures, first of all? I never did get it. I never had them done in high school because I thought it was dumb, even back then.

Knowing there was no way I'd pay money for someone to take lame photos, I packed up the kids (2 willingly, 1 by force) and took them to Karel Park for some frisbee golf and a practice photo shoot.

We all suck at frisbee golf, especially  me and Kaylee. We look like a Special Olympics team! I never learned the art of throwing one. Ethan enjoyed clowning around and trying to kick it in.

This is my youngest child. She used to love having her photo taken but now I have to knock her unconscious first. Thank goodness she's not yet too old for slides, swings, and merry-go-rounds. I dread the day.

Can you feel the sibling love? No, Ethan isn't constipated. He just hates having his picture taken and hates being touched.

He hates me for this. He really does.

This photo captures Jess perfectly. This is who she is. THIS may just be the perfect senior portrait for her. I hate portraits because they don't usually capture one's personality.

This one is so her, too. She doesn't care what anyone thinks. You're never too old for the plastic park swings, not even when you're almost 17! Wait, almost 17?? What the HECK? How did this happen? I'm so OLD. Never mind, that's a story for another time.

Isn't she beautiful? She cleans up nice when she's not wearing mismatched gym shorts and t-shirts! (Now if only that dress were a couple inches longer so she'd stop flashing her stuff every time she bends over....I pick my battles. Who even wears a mini-dress to go play frisbee golf, anyway??)

She is such a pain! She kept saying, "But I don't know what to do with my hands! I don't know where to look or how to stand!" I guess I need some lessons on posing my subjects.

This was Ethan, right before he began demanding a large Blizzard for all his "cooperation" (I use that term very loosely).

This was taken seconds before I realized I lost my keys out of my backpack. The sun was setting, we had no flashlights, the mosquitoes were eating us alive, Ethan was starving, and I had no keys. The spare set was with Frank, who was over an hour away at work. Panicked, I told everyone to split up. Ethan took that to mean he should head toward the truck and wait on us. Thank goodness Kaylee had eagle eyes and spotted them shortly after!

Things I learned:

1. Never stick your keys in the velcro pouch of your awesome Canon backpack your husband got you for Christmas while you play frisbee golf. They could fall out somewhere in the park and you might not notice until dusk.

2. My children are all a pain in the butt when it comes to the camera. They are horrible practice subjects. I need a blow up doll or something (for practicing portraits! GEEZ, get your minds out of the gutter.)

3. My son believes the "Joker" should be tortured, shocked in a pool then drowned, shot in the face, and hanged for shooting those people in the movie theater and ruining not only their lives but their families lives as well. He also believes it is ridiculous to blame it on "mental illness" and make excuses for murder. I'm glad to see him finally start deep thinking and trying to figure out what his beliefs are. That's my boy!

NO kitchen table?!?!?!?!?!?!

I'm absolutely in love with my kitchen table. It's old and ugly, scratched and stained, and falling apart, but I still love it. Today I received some sad, perplexing news which caused me to have such an odd realization. Brace yourselves, you're not gonna believe it.

 My children's father and his latest wife don't own a kitchen table. My brain couldn't quite compute this foreign information. It sounded like chinese. I kept saying, "But where do you EAT when you're there?" My children uttered the most horrifying sentence..."We eat in front of the TV." I nearly fainted. How seriously sad is that? I didn't know people actually owned TV trays. I thought that was just something that existed in a make believe world.

Still in shock, I asked, "But what's in the kitchen if there is no table?" They looked puzzled for a moment and said, "Uuhh....a floor, counters, cabinets. You know, kitchen stuff." I said, "But how do you have mealtime discussions if the TV is on?" They don't. They're there 4 days a month and don't even eat dinner together. Madness. Pure madness. Isn't that considered neglect or something? I felt so sad for them, like I needed to hug them and cook for them immediately in an effort to ease their (or maybe my) pain. Actually, they didn't seem like they thought it was a big deal. They'll get it someday. Luckily we were already at the table for dinner when this discussion occurred.

I just can't fathom it. A house isn't a home without a kitchen table. It's the heart of my home. Think of all the family interactions we'd miss out on if not for the kitchen table!

We sit around it and eat dinner as we discuss what we learned at school/ what happened at work, or debate politics, discuss ethical situations, etc. So many interesting and crazy talks have taken place at that table. How would you do that if you were watching television? What would you talk about? The Kardashians? (I don't even know who they are or how it's spelled. I've heard it's some kind of television show. I don't know because I don't watch TV. We don't even have cable or satellite. But that's another story, I just threw it in there for shock value.) What on EARTH is on the TV that is more important than connecting with your loved ones at the end of a long day??

(DISCLAIMER: The following photos were taken over a large span of time. Some are recent, some not. Some were taken with a bad camera, so bear with the low quality photos.)

We discuss homework and study for tests at the kitchen table.

We bake together, cook together, do crafts together,

(I apologize to my husband for referring to this as a "craft". He's teaching Kaylee to make 550 cord bracelets, which is a totally legit guy non-craft activity.)

 We play board games and cards, have holiday meals, work on school and 4H projects,

paint our nails, and even color our hair together - all at the kitchen table. Heck, I was even introduced to my chickens at the kitchen table. Frank brought them home in a box and plopped them right down in front of me. I'd just cleaned it, of course. A clean table is a magnet for dirty things like crumbs, spills, and chickens. A good chunk of our memories have occurred right there at the table.

Like my floors, that table is full of history. Imagine all the stories it could tell if it could talk.

Ethan spills egg dye on it every single year. I'm not talking drips, I'm talking PUDDLES. Luckily he has a pretty cool mom.

The look on their faces is PRICELESS! The look on mine probably was, too. What's funny is this happens each year, and each year they get that same look of shock on their faces.

If you look closely you can also see hair dye stains from the time Jess wanted her hair colored Ronald McDonald red. I suck at the whole "being a girl" thing and ended up with most of it everywhere BUT her head. She was a good sport about it, I give her credit!

There was the time Kaylee's friend, Callie, came over for the first time and they made Hulk green playdough. The color was so vibrant it turned their hands and the table green. Or the time Kaylee made fondant for her birthday party and everyone's hands turned Smurf blue.

We used to attempt "science experiments" at the table when the kids were younger and still easily amazed. We erupted volcanoes, made oobleck and slime. 

We fingerpainted and painted with shaving cream , right there on the bare table. Just recently the kids did the "cracker challenge", which is kind of like an experiment. You have to eat 10 saltines in 60 seconds without drinking anything. It's impossible, but they had fun trying.

And, turning back the hands of time a bit more, there was the time when Kaylee was 3 and got her chubby little toddler arm stuck in the slabs of the chair. I panicked and wondered which kind of saw I would need to cut the chair apart, and whether or not I'd have time to grab it before her arm had to be amputated. Then sanity kicked in and I grabbed the butter instead. Or the time she fell off the kitchen chair, hit her head on the floor and knocked herself unconscious. All of my CPR training went out the window and I totally freaked out. I did the only logical thing...what any sane mother would do in a time of medical crisis - I drug her from the kitchen table to the couch (like the couch has some magical healing powers) and shook her and screamed at her to wakeupwakeupWAKEUP!! Don't worry, she was fine.

We used to have a beagle named Moxie who, for reasons still unknown, loved climbing up on the table and walking around. Perhaps she didn't get the memo that she wasn't a cat.

I know it was wrong to grab the camera before making her get down but I had to get a picture. Also, the trash can on the table is weird, but it's up there to keep the dogs out of it while we were gone. Too bad we didn't realize she'd get on the table with it!

Kaylee went through a phase where she pretended to be a dog. Following in Moxie's footsteps, she climbed up on the table one day and rolled over so her sister could scratch her belly. My kids are freaks.

The first time Frank brought Jess over to meet me, we sat at the table and played Trouble together.

Every birthday child blows out their candles at the kitchen table.

We carve pumpkins, color eggs,

(ignore the mattress in the kitchen...it was Ethan's birthday present and we hadn't got around to switching it for the old one. We don't normally store random mattresses in our kitchen.)

build gingerbread houses, 

(My son went through a phase where he gave everything bunny ears...including gingerbread houses. He's not right sometimes.)

and make valentine boxes there too.

A few times a year I have giant, ridiculous amounts of family photos printed when they go on sale. I sit at the table for hours and sort them and jot down notes about them while my family peers over my shoulder and laughs at all the silly memories. I know we can view them on the computer but I'm an old fashioned girl. I prefer to have them right here in front of me.

(Check out that sexy farmer's tan!)

Frank bought a giant load of legos from ebay one year. I'm talking billions of legos. Everyone gathered around the table to see what we could create. Actually, I suck at legos so I pretended to cook dinner while they played. But we were all right there at the table together, hanging out and having fun.

There was also the time I came home to find 2 teenage girls eating Italian food, wearing sombreros, and eating with chopsticks. They were being "multi-cultural".

There was the time the girls tried what they referred to as "experimental baking". They created a nasty concoction of various baking substances and ended up calling it "Poop Cookies" because, why else, they resembled piles of poop.

We have "Mexican night" where we eat tacos, wear sombreros, pretend we know Spanish, and listen to Mexican music (and sometimes enjoy a margarita).

Mexican night is so fun the neighbor kids even join in! I think he got confused as to what kind of hat to wear.

We've had "Fancy Night" where we get dressed up, crack open a bottle of wine, act loud and dance poorly to Italian music, and stuff ourselves with Italian food (homemade, of course).

(Don't pay attention to the look on Ethan's face. It really is fun.)

All in all, it's a place for gathering together, having fun, making messes, acting silly, and talking through life's issues. It's an office, a salon, a craft station, a bakery, a karaoke bar, and a talk show setting all rolled into one.

Just think of how many memories and important moments we'd miss if we never gathered around the table. I truly feel sad for any family who doesn't own one. Their memories must all revolve around the television set. "Remember that one time, when we all ate hamburger helper (true story - my children are regularly subjected to boxed dinners over there. Eewwww! The horror!) and watched Sports Center?" Geez, now I'm getting all misty-eyed and emotional (wait, I'm having a hot flash, too. Maybe it's all unrelated to the story.) I need to go hug my table and tell it thank you for hosting so many memories and bringing my family a little closer together.

*On a side note, please don't be offended if you're a person who makes hamburger helper. I'm gone to work for 10 1/2 hrs. a day and have been known to bust out the boxed macaroni and cheese and frozen pizzas plenty of times. But when I have the day off and we're not busy I try to actually cook. If you're a person who eats dinner in front of the TV instead of with your family, I can't apologize for my opinion on that. You really are missing out on a lot.