I'm in the midst of my first anxiety attack in months. I'm already suffering from back to school/back to work stress and it hasn't even actually started yet. I just finished having my first meltdown in the shower.
What is it about the shower that brings out tears?
I go back to work in 2 days. I'm literally sick to my stomach over it. I HATE HATE HATE HATE my job. I've been there 9 years and I've hated every second. Don't get me wrong, I love the preschoolers. I just hate the policies, hoops, and backstabbing I have to jump through in order to work there. It puts my stomach in knots thinking about it. But I'm kind of stuck because there aren't many career options out there for an old lady who only has an Associate because she got too busy creating a family. Finishing school isn't an option, either. I have 3 children to put through college, one of which will be graduating high school this year. (Why am I so OLD??) So this job beats flipping burgers at McDonalds (I think).
I got the kids' school registration packets (Ethan hates the word packet. Isn't that strange? I don't have room to talk though. I hate the words "panties" and "smorgasbord". Weird.) in the mail. It's going to cost me $300 to get the kids ready for school, plus school supplies, back to school clothes, and whatever extra fees Jess will have at the high school. I'm needing to take out a loan just to get them in school!
Frank works almost every day in August so all the burden and stress falls on my shoulders. There is one week he works EIGHT days in a ROW..voluntarily. I'll barely even cross paths with him in August because he comes to bed as I get up for the day and he's gone when I get home, and he'll be working on my days off. Ironically, his overtime doesn't help me because we don't share finances. We have separate checking accounts. He pays his part of the bills and pays for his gas. I pay my bills and gas, school fees, property taxes, dog, chicken and rabbit food, and buy groceries, cleaning supplies, toiletries, etc. But don't get me wrong. I'm glad he's not a deadbeat who refuses to work!
Meanwhile, I have to start back to working 10 1/2 hrs a day (yes, HAVE to. As in, I have no choice in the matter), along with somehow managing to get the kids registered and ready for school and back into a routine, along with keeping up the housework, laundry, homework, taking care of the animals, dinner prep, grocery shopping, etc. It's like I'm a single mom again only this time with an extra kid and a roommate who I never see but have to pick up after. Originally I said I don't want to acknowledge my birthday but I've changed my mind. I'd like someone to hire a "me clone" for my birthday- someone to play the role of mom after school until I get home. That would take a huge weight off my shoulders. If someone was here for the kids after school each day, I could actually focus on work while I was at work. I wouldn't have to worry about the kids getting hurt, burning down the house, making messes, fighting, not doing their homework, not doing their chores, and I wouldn't have to worry about trying to get kids to and from practices/school events while working simultaneously. It's difficult to get work done when I'm too busy worrying about my children and calling them every 5 minutes to make sure everything is ok/remind them to get things done. Have I mentioned my 2 of my kids are very active in extra curriculars? They have soccer, volleyball, student council, band, choir, 4H, FBLA, one of them plans to try out for basketball and one for school plays. Can you see why I need a clone? Thank goodness the oldest can drive herself where she needs to be! Oh, but who am I kidding. I could never let some strange woman play the role of mom to my children. I'd go insanely jealous and end up stabbing her. Maybe someone can hire ME to be here and play the mom role. Anyone want to donate money to a good cause??
Why is it that when I'm at work I'm still a mom and I still worry, but when Frank is at work he only has to worry about work?
Honestly, I'd much rather be home for the kids than go to work, but my bills won't pay themselves. I truly believe children should have one reliable parent they can always count on to be there for them. I envy women (or men) who are able to do this. Kids who have that are extremely lucky. Anyone have a big wad of money they'd like to donate to a good cause?
No worries. I'll adjust and make it work. I always do. I just wanted to complain for a minute. I may suck at most things, but I have mad skills when it comes to juggling a billion things at once. And I doubt the kids care one way or the other as to whether I'm home or at work. No wonder my hair is constantly falling out.
So how exactly do I juggle everything and keep my sanity? I don't. I'm certifiably insane. But I do have this to help me: a "family binder". It may not be pretty, but it is functional and helps me keep my head. I have it divided into sections: to do list, calendar, meal planning, important dates, and a section for each child for school stuff - schedules, calendars, teacher info etc. This thing is my brain during the school year. A lot of it came from organizedhome.com but if you recognize something as yours, please let me know and I'll credit it.
The front of the binder has a pouch containing sticky notes and a pencil. I use the sticky notes on my daily to do list...
I've written a morning and evening daily list in pencil - laundry, sweeping, things I'll do daily. At the bottom, I put a sticky note of to do's specific to the day, which can easily be removed as I accomplish the tasks.
Once a week I sit down with it and plug in Frank's work schedule and the kids' after school schedules so I can determine when/if I need time off work to taxi them. (That's just about the only good thing about my job - I have plenty of vacation time).Then I meal plan. I make a week's worth of meals, making sure the weeknights are easy (no more homemade noodles for this family, at least not until summer break). I write the meals on the calendar, taking note of the days I need to do food prep the night before. I use that list to make a grocery list of everything needed. I take that list to the pantry and do an inventory, marking off what we already have. Then I revise it, putting the items in order according to the aisles at the store. I know it sounds anal, but it saves a lot of time at the store and cuts down on impulse purchases. I only go to the store once/week during the school year. I don't go so far as to do the couponing because I simply don't have the time.
The binder also has an "important dates" section where I've documented birthdays, anniversaries, etc. and I have a zipper pouch filled with greeting cards, just in case I don't have time to get to the store for one.
So there you have it. Now wish me luck on the start of a crazy school year!
good luck!! i have one of those jobs too!
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