Canning and People Who Don't Listen

One of the first sentences my husband spoke to me today was, "When do you think you might can those tomatoes?" It's on my to-do list and he should know this because I've told him numerous times, so I didn't bother to answer. "Do you have any thoughts on that?" he says a couple of minutes later. I reminded him, again, that it is on my to-do list.


I went out shortly after to get 20 lbs of tomatoes and begin the canning process. Excuse the photo - crappy lighting and I'm too lazy to photoshop.

Look at the size of this bad boy!

"Do you want me to get one of those tomato things that gets rid of the cores and seeds?" No, I tell him for the umpteenth time. I don't want one of those machines. I tell him this each and every time he looks at them at Rural King. "I'm gonna go get one." he says a couple minutes later and he walks out the door. Something about my voice doesn't register in his eardrums. I wonder if they make a pill for that?

By the time he gets the stupid thing put together I'm halfway done skinning and seeding the tomatoes the old fashioned way.

 He gets busy with the rest of the tomatoes and I soon discover the stupid thing makes JUICE. What the heck am I supposed to do with a bowl of juice?? It claims to make pulp. Pulp would have pulpiness in it. This was just juice. Am I supposed to make spaghetti cocktails? MY method leaves me with some juicyish tomatoes with no skins or seeds. I squeeze a good portion of the moisture out and am left with the rest of the tomato, which I can then mush up to my preferred consistency. His method leaves me with nothing but water and juice. I'm trying to explain this but his ears don't work about 80% of the time. By this point I am sick of being ignored and of him screwing with my sauce. I tell him to either do it himself or get out of the kitchen. Ok, so maybe I was actually yelling and making what he calls "the tooth face" (my throat kinda hurts. I guess that's what I get.) Of course, that didn't help him listen. I refrained from thumping his ears to try and get them in working order. He finally left the kitchen so I could try and salvage the mess he created. This is the second year in a row he has ruined my spaghetti sauce. Last year he saw that 20 lbs of tomatoes only makes about 5 quarts of sauce so he added a bottle of Ragu. I let it go because I generally try to avoid arguing with him. (He's a very lucky guy and doesn't even realize or appreciate it. If he only knew all the stuff I let slide!) But today I've had it.

I ended up canning spaghetti juice. Don't let the chunks of tomato fool you - I threw in a few leftover from MY method in an effort to thicken it. Didn't work. Maybe I should just poke holes in the canning lids and stick straws in so we can drink the stuff. It's like V8 juice. I hate V8 juice.

When I yell at him about the spaghetti juice he says I need to start communicating. It does no good to communicate when the other person DOESN'T LISTEN and tunes me out. I had to break it to him that Frank's way is sometimes not the only way of doing things and - gasp- sometimes it's actually the wrong way. I don't think it computed in his brain. Perhaps he was in shock.

Things I learned today:

1. My husband tunes me out even more than I realized. He needs the name of a good ear doctor.

2. When filling a canning pot to water bath spaghetti sauce, don't fill it too full. Boiling water tends to scald your feet as it pours over the side of the stovetop. It also creates a gas burner nightmare and gives your husband a reason to shake his head and think, "See, you don't know how to do it either." He didn't say anything though. Smart move on his part.

3. Tomato mills are completely useless in my kitchen. Wait, I already knew that.

4. Spaghetti juice is extremely runny and makes a mess when you try to get it into the jars, even with a funnel. This is why I normally make SAUCE.

5. My husband doesn't listen.

6. Never get mad at your husband and scream, "Fine, YOU finish it!" and storm out leaving him with the boiling spaghetti juice. He won't take over the job and it'll boil over onto the stove top. You'll later have to scrape it off, which will cause you to spew profanities.

7. When inserting jars into boiling water, never put your face nearby. Boiling water has a tendency to burn things like eyelids and cheeks. Why did I feel that putting my face real close would make the job easier?

8. My husband doesn't listen.

9. I shouldn't be left unsupervised with boiling substances.

10. Canning is something I have to be in the mood to do and plan ahead of time, otherwise it is a ginormous pain in the butt.

11. My husband doesn't listen.

12. My ducks are too dumb to know they should take shelter from hail. This was taken through a window. No way I'm letting my camera get pelted by hail!

13. My husband doesn't listen.

14. Boiling spaghetti sauce burns when it splashes out onto your shirt. I'm a pretty dangerous person to have in the kitchen.

15. I should always reset the white balance back to auto and the focal point selection from manual to auto before putting my camera away, otherwise my husband takes photos like this:

Our ducks aren't actually blue.

All in all, Frank was just trying to a) use up the tomatoes before they went bad and b) help me out. He honestly thought the tomato mill would be helpful and make things easier for me. His intentions were positive. It's just a shame his ears don't work.

Now, if you'll excuse me. I think I'm gonna go crack open a jar of spaghetti juice, make a bloody mary and forget this little incident happened. Too bad bloody marys are disgusting. Maybe the ducks would drink it.....

EDITED TO ADD:

I can't believe this. I'm having to eat my words. The juice I canned? I'll be damned if it didn't thicken over the last couple of nights. I hate admitting when I'm wrong, especially when there was yelling involved. It's not a chunky sauce like I normally make but it is definitely saucy. (Can you tell I've only been doing the canning thing a couple years?) So now I owe my husband a stupid apology. The kids will probably say it's the best sauce I've ever made because it's not chunky. Stupid sauce.